I decided that that for our last week I should share some things about myself and my journey or story of motherhood. First, this picture is old, my baby is walking now but I still love these images with all of my heart. The talented Ali Middleton took these right after Bodhi was born and they are such a treasure.
So... what is the biggest trial of motherhood for me right now? I think one of the hardest things for me right now is the differences in the ages of my children. When I just had two kids I felt like I had a pretty great handle on things. My boys were so close in age and it was easy to take care of both of their needs becuase they needed a lot of the same things. Now I have a 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old and things have become slightly more difficult.
Eli needs help with homeowrk, Maverick is happy go lucky but is learning to read and would love help with that, Hazel wants to play outside and with dolls all day and Bodhi needs to be held every evening while I make dinner. And everyone needs a snack approximetly 5,000 x a day. I find it so hard to balance all of the needs all of the time. I want to give them the snuggles and hugs and kisses they need. I want to teach them and play with them and give them attention. Sometimes these things are hard to do with out another sibling pulling on my leg or interupting. I know that they are forgiving and are happy with even just a few minutes but sometimes I just get frustrated with myself for not being able to give them more. More of my attention, more of my time, more of me.
What brings me the most joy? It's definetely the simple moments. The moments when I'm tucking my little girl in bed and we sing songs together and give each other big hugs or when I "eat" her cheeks. Moments when I sit on the porch with Eli and talk to him about his day. When I get Bodhi out of his crib and that slow smile spreads across his face. When Maverick walks in the door after preschool and pronounces, "That was the best day!" I also love the moments when they make each other happy when they are playing together. Those moments when I'm present and soaking up every ounce of their beauty and wonder give me life. They make every single frustrating bedtime, temper tantrum and sibling quarrel worth it.
How has motherhood changed me? Motherhood has made me a less judgemental and more understanding person. Every day we need to make judgements. Judgements on how we are going to raise our kids. What advice or ideas to follow. But everyday we do not need to judge each other. We all do this motherhood thing different and I've learned to see the beauty in that. I've learned that It's okay for my friend to make homemade bread and for me not to. It's okay for some moms to work full time and for me to stay home. It's okay that I like to decorate my home and some people don't. We are all doing the best we can and all of those differences just make this world a more beautiful place.
What is the number one thing I want my children to learn before they are grown? I want my children to grow up and be loving people. I want them to love their siblings and be best friends. I also want them to love everyone around them. Love people around them so much that they want to serve and show compassion. This world is full of too much hate and I believe that even just a little love can go a long way is spreading a whole bunch of light.